Difficult decision: Losing independence

By Jon Meyer

Pam White faced a new and difficult decision when her mother could no longer care for herself.

Donna Scaggs, a 76-year-old former school teacher, doesn’t remember the day she was admitted to Nampa’s Trinity Mission Health and Rehab of Holly, debilitated by complications from multiple sclerosis and lung disease.

But White and her daughter, Autumn Short, recall the fateful day 14 months ago like it was yesterday.

“I think when I made the decision to move her in, she was very sick and I took her to the doctor, and the thing that was really different was we switched roles,” White said, turning to make eye contact with her mother. “In a way, Mom, I became the parent.”

It was not an easy transition, even for a Nampa city councilwoman who makes big decisions all the time.“I had to look at her and say, OK, now I’m gonna make the decisions. This is what we’re gonna do,” White explained. “It was followed by the difficulty of seeing her lose (her) independence. She would no longer be living alone, but in a skilled nursing facility.”

Autumn struggled watching her once strong and independent grandmother who needed care. Her children, Lexi, 6, and Kaiden, 8, were initially apprehensive about visiting their great-grandma at the nursing home.

“It was (difficult), but it has gotten easier. My kids were kind of timid to come in here ... They’d see some of the residents and it’s intimidating for them,” she said. “Now they run right down to the room, looking for ‘candy grandma.’”

Scaggs, the self-pronounced “bingo queen” of Trinity, always has a candy stash waiting for when Lexi and Kaiden come to visit and watch the rabbits that live in the courtyard outside her window.

‘There was an anger’

Scaggs admitted her trepidation about long-term care, which was backed up by White’s affirmation that “there was an anger” during the early days of her admission.“You were a little mad about not having your own kitchen,” White said, looking in her mother’s eyes. “I’m still kind of mad,” Scaggs answered jokingly. “I want my own coffee pot.”

Also among Scaggs’ early anxieties were that she had to wait for things that she formerly could do for herself immediately.“I don’t tell people ‘after awhile.’ (I) want it done now,” she said.But now she is happier with her surroundings.

She’s made friends, developed what her family calls a very active social life and has most everything she needs all in the same building.

“I think it’s the best place, the best thing that happened for myself. I have all that I need, everything’s right here. And all these people, we’re all alike. We all have everything we need,” Scaggs said. “It, it’s home. That’s what I tell them, ‘it’s your home.’”

Family transitions

While many families facing the move to nursing-level care confront an array of difficulties, Scaggs and her family knew they had chosen the right facility.“It was just seamless to make the transfer ... The process of getting her in here was very comfortable and non-invasive,” White said. She added that the same applied to the state agencies handling her mom’s health care coverage, who’ve been “just wonderful to work with.”

“I know she’s getting three balanced nutritious meals. I know she’s getting all her meds, the proper dose, at the right time. I know she’s not alone.”

Autumn’s concerns melted when she saw the professional care her grandmother was getting.“It’s almost worry free. You don’t worry about anything having her live here because you know her needs are taken care of,” she said.

The same comforts that helped the members of the family through the change are the same things that Donna feels are the benefits of her new caregivers.“You’re not alone,” she said. “There are people all around you.”

Looking to the future

Seeing Scaggs happy has made it infinitely easier for her daughter and granddaughter to take the future day-by-day in terms of her health.Pam visits frequently. Lexi and Kaiden run through the doors of Trinity ahead of Autumn now, talking to the residents and staff like they’re new-found playmates.

The home holds family holidays and summer cookouts, even welcoming Kaiden’s second grade class in to perform for residents earlier this year.

“It’s so bright, and the staff, the staff are wonderful,” Pam said looking to her mom. “They have a sense of humor. They play with you almost.”

When asked about how she plans to spend the future, Donna looked at her family with a contented look in her eyes and responded nonchalantly “I have no plans. (I’ll) just stay here ... If I have to be in a confined place, confined living or whatever you want to call it, I’m glad I’m here.”

Reflecting on her own experience, Scaggs offered comfort to people that she thought might be scared or hesitant about nursing homes and skilled nursing care.“Don’t be afraid of it,” she said. “It’s not bad.”